Man pretends to be a woman on an online dating site.

I think most men are unaware of this.
Glad to see it's getting more exposure (slight pun).

Llama Guest Post Woo! Zany!!

eaglejoe says:

hi

eaglejoe says:

zany luck on a hot cock suck

eaglejoe says:

any

Llamalland says:

I preferred it as zany.

eaglejoe says:

wtf.??

Llamalland says:

zany luck on a hot cock suck sounds much more fun

eaglejoe says:

wanna have fun,

Llamalland says:

I am having fun

eaglejoe says:

fuck ok, can't be that good. your typing to me?

Llamalland says:

maybe I'm audio dictating

eaglejoe has removed you from their contacts. You can no longer send any messages to this member.

Some of RiverSong's highlight moments with Max

Welcome RiverSong and thanks for submitting these!

Don't shit a shitter...

Conversation started in an anonymous room, then abruptly stopped but was already a bit suspicious at this point... broke my blog's rules by keeping my details to myself except a skype name.

*julia.anton.sexy is sending you a contact request*

bloggergirl: hey

julia: hi

julia: sorry my network

julia: =/

bloggergirl: oh, I thought maybe you werent real after all

julia: owww nooo

julia: because of my little son

bloggergirl: oh you have a young'n?

julia: he unconnected the lectrcirt of acces point

julia: ow sorry

julia: little brother

bloggergirl: hehe yeah that'd do it

bloggergirl: thats an interesting mixup of words... I don't care if you have a son lol

julia: :D I havent soon

julia: I am younger

bloggergirl: doesnt mean much today :P

julia: =)

julia: u have lesbian friend?

julia: my friend be offline =/

bloggergirl: you mean online or offline?

julia: :D 

julia: offline 

julia: you can cathc her

julia: but 

julia: she gone =/

julia: you have lesbian friend 

julia: ?

bloggergirl: you mean do I have a lesbian friend online, or in real world?

julia: on skype

julia: u have facebook?

bloggergirl: yeah but I dont add people I dont know real world

julia: mmm ok

julia: :(

bloggergirl: why you want my FB?

julia: I am always on there

julia: I am not here always;9

julia: we can talk on there;)

bloggergirl: you know, the way you talk... you're a pro at this arent you?

julia: pro?

julia: I cant understand you

julia: *sends me julia.anton.127*

julia: this is me

bloggergirl: you kept telling me your skypename, and keep pushing your FB.

bloggergirl: you cam/chat online for $ huh?

julia: I need to go dinner my mom calling me

julia: but Iwill come back in 5 or 10 min

julia: ;)

bloggergirl: ahuh.

julia: ok

julia: ;)

julia: wait me

bloggergirl: are you really from london?

julia: yes

bloggergirl: Not originally, though.

julia: my father from here

bloggergirl: At least, English isn't your first language...

julia: but my mom from california

bloggergirl: is it?

julia: =)

julia: yes

bloggergirl: ahuh

julia: I alwys visitng somewhere from my child

julia: because of my father job =/

bloggergirl: so if English is your native language, how come you can't speak it?

julia: turkish

julia: I need to go

julia: my mom =/

bloggergirl: Yeah, there we go.

bloggergirl: righto

call started

julia: open light<*

julia: so dark

julia: ı cant see you

bloggergirl: so here's a question, how come the video is the same as the last one you played me?

julia: what

julia: I cant understand you

julia: =S

julia: u are recording me ?

julia: :(

bloggergirl: what? how do you get that from that

bloggergirl: I'm actually calling out that your cam is pre-recorded

bloggergirl: which doesn't mean I'm recording you, it means that the footage you just showed as your cam was exactly the same as the 'cam' you showed me a few minutes ago. Unless you're an OCD creature of habit?

julia: u like boys?

bloggergirl: lol dude I already know that you're not even a chick. I'm not stupid, moron

call ends around the 3min mark

julia: wait

julia: I will call my lesbian friend 

julia: she came back 

julia: look

some weird attempt at adding another party to the conversation, but the offline contact disconnects

bloggergirl: you need a hobby, and you need to learn to bullshit better

pause

julia: ı recored you

julia: and face

julia: ;)

julia: ı will watch you again and again

julia: u there?

bloggergirl: hahah

bloggergirl: i didn't show my face or anything, so enjoy that.

julia: u showed me last chat :D

julia: ok bye

bloggergirl: lol prove it

bloggergirl: show me my own face

julia: ok wait

julia: ı am saving in my hdd

julia: wait little

julia: long video of you

bloggergirl: okay, ...waiting.

julia: ı have your facebook:D

julia: I found you

bloggergirl: yeah, sure you do.

bloggergirl: prove it

bloggergirl: ...I'll be scared when you prove it!

bloggergirl: idiot

bloggergirl: get better at this game and you'll be good

bloggergirl: but don't try to troll a troll ;)

julia: bye

So people can learn, now! Wow - Llama guest post.

Llama here! So this is a more uplifting post. It proves people can learn manners!

I recently put up some saucy photos on a BDSM website, which is probably what got this guy's attention. My profile specifically says that while other things may be possible, friendship is the first step in any direction. 29 year old guy decides to ignore that and proposition me (27 year old guy) anyway. Gets called on it, and realises he done fucked up.

For clarification, my profile mentions that I'm in a polyamorous relationship (i.e. I have a relationship, but am open to other relationships, and sex)

29YOGUY (not real username): Keen to hook up?

Llama (also not real username: I think if you'd read my profile at all instead of just looking at pictures, you'd probably know the answer to this.

29YOGUY: I did. & I thought well you can only say no.

Sorry to be blunt about it. Ok so I'll leave you alone then.

Llama: Maybe next profile, if you see a rule, don't assume you're the exception to it....

29YOGUY: See a rule? Make friends first?

I know your not monogamous. I would love to play with a couple.

I never assumed I'd be told yes or I would have elaborated more. I was only hoping for a response that didn't say get lost. With what I wrote I knew it wouldn't lead far.

Llama: Correct, make friends first. You are no exception to that rule. There is in fact no exception.

Seriously, it's just respectful.

29YOGUY: Far enough. But how on line? I find it better after meeting. But otherwise to me it feels I'm talking to or reading from a journal.

Once again sorry to be disrespectful. That's one thing I generally think I'm good at. Now reflection time.

Llama: Well, my advice is that at least showing the intention to make friends is a good idea, even if you don't know how to do it online. Ask a question. Comment on something that someone said in their profile. Show an interest in them! Even if you ultimately want to just fuck them/be fucked by them and they're open to that but want to make friends first, explain what about them makes you want that, if you want to.

All the information I got about your intentions were that you wanted to fuck, when I'd made it clear that friendship was the first step anywhere else. That was what was disrespectful.

Good luck with the self-reflection!

Oh this was so short I forgot to post it when it happened...

bloggergirl says:
hey there
bloggergirl says:
thanks for adding
nikkisexy7 says:
hey
bloggergirl says:
how are you?
nikkisexy7 says:
horny lol
bloggergirl says:
ah, well there goes any hope that you're perhaps unlike the majority of people on here
bloggergirl says:
I guess it explains the long wait between replies from you... must be hard to type with one hand

nikkisexy7 has removed you from their contacts.

A Letter From RiverSong

Open letter to men on chat and dating sites:
Dear Men,
I'm not sure how much clearer I can make this but here it goes....
You need to have something to make women want to chat to you.
A pic of your sunglasses=no chat
A pic of you looking like a serial killer=no chat
You are not "cool" when you frown into a close up, you look like a 2 month old doing a poo.
Great tits is not a good opening line
Neither is dtf, wanna rub my c0ck, I live really close to you or Hi.
Tell us something about yourself and not how you like to f$&k
If your picture/profile is unattractive as in: you look/sound drunk, high, damaged, angry,violent, criminally insane or like a wanker, we won't talk to you.
Just because you witheringly say Hi does not then entitle you to unleash a tirade of abuse on a woman if she refuses your advances. Calling someone you were interested in two seconds ago fat,ugly,stuck up, bitch or any other number of insightful insults does two things, makes that woman tell all of her friends that you are a psycho, and makes you look like a psycho.
Nor does chatting to a woman entitle you to sex with them.
No means no, it doesn't mean, sure why not?? Anyone who still thinks no means otherwise is a predator. Predator =no chat.

If you want to lie about your age? Go ahead. Age doesn't matter but saying you are 23 when you are quite obviously 60 means you are a liar or a major addict. Both = no chat.
Women want to talk to you but only if you actually have something to say. Be honest and upfront and accept rejection or acceptance like a man, not like whining 2 year old.
Don't stalk.
Don't show your member unless asked and particularly don't put that as your introductory private picture.
Don't put a pic up of someone else, if you don't like you enough to put a picture up of who you really are, chances are no woman will either.
Get your shit together before putting your profile up
Use spell check for the sake of all that is holy!!
Decline politely, if a girl wants to chat to you and you don't, that's ok, but pointing out all her flaws and then calling her ugly is just downright rude.
Don't just talk to "hot chicks" read a profile once in a while.
Get over yourself, you are not God's gift to women and don't behave as such.
And can I again reiterate, your penis is not a selling tool. Really look at it one day and seriously ask yourself "Is this better than my smile" if it is.... I can't help you.
Oh and finally..... This goes for all the women out there who behave like this!
Happy Dating!!!

 

-RiverSong

Glad I'm not alone in this

I feel like I'm not the only one somehow.
Notice an ever persistent theme? So have these folk.

Llama guest post again

Closet gay guys, they're the salmon that jumps on the hook.... fordfalcon351: hi

Llamalland: ello there

fordfalcon351: how is?

Llamalland: is good

Llamalland: gotta wonder what a straight guy with relatively little in common with me added me for, though

fordfalcon351: im bi but dont advertise

fordfalcon351: how big are you?? cut or uncut?

Llamalland: bi but so far in the closet about it that you don't even say so on a dating website?

fordfalcon351: im scott and you are?

fordfalcon351: nah know too many people

Llamalland: scared of people knowing who you really are?

fordfalcon351: nah got too much to loose

fordfalcon351: plus its no one elses business

Llamalland: but it's everyone else's business that you like girls, right?

Llamalland: What do you have to lose?

fordfalcon351: heaps! ya wanna play or not?

fordfalcon351: yes or no ansa easy

Llamalland: you crack me up :P this kinda thing will never work on me, but you might want to try a little more foreplay for your game when you try it on other people.

fordfalcon351: not interested just want to play

Llamalland: well, you have hands. Have fun playing with them

fordfalcon351: well just cause your a screamin fag dont mean we all have to be!!!

Llamalland: I'm a screaming bi - and no matter open someone is, they have to seduce my brain before my cock joins in.

fordfalcon351: well i can make you hard enuf if we meet

fordfalcon351: thats all that matters

Llamalland: to you

fordfalcon351: what ever

fordfalcon351: you wanna play or not?

Llamalland: you're really still asking?

fordfalcon351: well go fuck yourself then cunt!

fordfalcon351 has removed you from their contacts. You can no longer send any messages to this member.

Llama guest post - Can't get out of the closet.

Straight guy adds me. Almost always funny!

Llamalland: hello there

benadelaide1723: hey how are you

Llamalland: good, yourself?

benadelaide1723: bored as

Llamalland: why else are people here?

benadelaide1723: yeah

benadelaide1723: what you into

Llamalland: I think that's a better question for you

benadelaide1723: why is that u tell me

Llamalland: you appear to be straight

benadelaide1723: im bi curious

benadelaide1723: im a top to

Llamalland: but so far in the closet about it that you only say on your profile that you're interested in women?

benadelaide1723: im sorry if your offended

benadelaide1723: dont have to chat then

Llamalland: it just seems strange

Llamalland: I would suggest if you're looking for guys, you be honest about it on your profile

benadelaide1723: ok then

Llamalland: and hey, you're still looking for girls, right? They'll probably be turned on by that

benadelaide1723: nope

Llamalland: so hang on, let me get this straight. You are looking for guys, you aren't looking for women, but according to your profile, you're looking for women and not looking for men?

benadelaide1723: i like both is that problem do you like to hook up with guys yes or no

Llamalland: I think if you'd read my profile, you'd know the answer to that, and you'd know that honesty is important to me

benadelaide1723: would u like to hook up

Llamalland: with an internet random who doesn't admit on his profile that he likes guys, who I have no idea what he looks like, and I've never met?

Llamalland: nah

benadelaide1723: your lose

benadelaide1723 has removed you from their contacts. You can no longer send any messages to this member.

The brain is a muscle too?

I add a guy whose profile seems more intent on selling his (admittedly impressive) buff body.
Selected Greeting: I think you are really hot.

Naturally, that bait is too tasty to resist...

Newlysingle2011 says:
Pics?
bloggergirl says:
on my prof
Newlysingle2011 says:
Its locked
bloggergirl says:
unlocked
Newlysingle2011 says:
Skype?
bloggergirl says:
i like to chat on here first - safety first
*Newlysingle2011 has removed you from their contacts. You can no longer send any messages to this member.*

Betty: everyone wants her for a puppy

 Oh Betty, I'm sure there's a dog and bone joke here...

Betty says:
hey, how's it going?

coolcat211 says:

good and u

Betty says:
yeah not too shabby

coolcat211 says:

ok im andy btw

Betty says:
Betty
Betty says:
nice to meet you

coolcat211 says:

yeh u 2 dog

Betty says:
dog?

coolcat211 says:

yeh u look like my puppy no offense

coolcat211 says:

lol

Betty says:
well that's something I've never heard before

coolcat211 says:

u can b my puppy dog

Betty says:
no, I don't think so

coolcat211 says:

i think i fuked u b4

coolcat211 says:

serious lol my mates here and he did lmao

Betty says:
you don't look familiar?

the name should say it all

Another guest post from Betty

dutchrapist2 says:

hey

Betty says:
hey, how's it going?

dutchrapist2 says:

cold and got a headache lol

dutchrapist2 says:

u?

Betty says:
cold also, but warming up
Betty says:
what's with the username?

dutchrapist2 says:

what, you dont like it?

Betty says:
it's different

dutchrapist2 says:

;P

dutchrapist2 says:

yeh lol, so what r u looking for on here

Betty says:
new people to talk to, new friends, who knows really

dutchrapist2 says:

oh i see

dutchrapist2 says:

nothin casual?

Betty says:
not really what I'm looking for no, unless you're 6 foot, ripped and have a cock like a donkey

dutchrapist2 says:

ah, damn

dutchrapist2 says:

lol

Don't laugh...

You may meet someone online just the same one day


Thanks to David Thorne for the chuckle.
http://www.27bslash6.com

Llama guest post: real life edition!

Llama again. I was at a public bathroom when against the wall, I saw "[phone number] bi guy pays to suck" in pencil. I figure someone's being mean to the owner of the number. I rub it out, but not before messaging this person:

Llamalland guest post - breaking records!

Even the other guys I've posted conversations with here have lasted longer than this guy:

28 year old ostensibly straight guy requests me, his profile makes a kinda big point of wanting a woman, so I couldn't resist.

Greeting: I like your profile and hope to learn more about you.

adzzys says:
Hi



Llamalland says:
hello

adzzys says:
What u doing.


Llamalland says:
just finished eating

adzzys says:
Right. U gay


Llamalland says:
why do you want to know?

adzzys says:
Just curious

adzzys says:
So are u

adzzys says:
Do u suck cock

adzzys says:
??????


Llamalland says:
Do you?

adzzys says:
No

adzzys says:
So do u


Llamalland says:
then why would it matter?

adzzys says:
Because I want to know

adzzys says:
Do u


Llamalland says:
why do you want to know?

adzzys says:
Why u think


Llamalland says:
I'm guessing you're a closet gay, trying not to admit it and hoping to hook up

adzzys says:
Do u want to suck

adzzys says:
I'm curious.

adzzys says:
And yes hook up

adzzys says:
Yes or no

adzzys says:
Well ??????


Llamalland says:
how much of my profile did you read?

Llamalland says:
You must have started masturbating before you read this part:

Llamalland says:
"I don't get why you'd want to proposition me before even meeting me. I'm not going to accept. If you really want to get into my pants, you're not getting an invitation except in person (and even then, you have to be pretty awesome). I might be open and honest about sex and what I look for, but that doesn't mean I'll just fuck whoever asks without even meeting them!"

adzzys has removed you from their contacts. You can no longer send any messages to this member.

Well, you can't win all their hearts....

Llama Guest Post - jam after guys for sex

45 year old guy (listed as straight) tries to chat me (26 year old bi guy) up. There is mention of toast spreads. I don't even....

southsider1966 says:
Hi there
Llamalland says:
hiya
southsider1966 says:
What are you after off system
Llamalland says:
off system?
southsider1966 says:
Off of hear guys girls
Llamalland says:
I'd have thought my profile made that clear
southsider1966 says:
Yes jam after guys for sex
Llamalland says:
Jam after guys for sex? Sounds sticky.
southsider1966 says:
Thats the general idea
southsider1966 says:
How do you like it
Llamalland says:
I don't know, I'm in to a lot of kinky shit, but jam? I think I'd rather just eat it on toast.
southsider1966 says:
I like kinky stuff too
Llamalland says:
when did you first get into jam?
southsider1966 says:
Years ago. When about 10
Llamalland says:
and what turns you on about jam?
southsider1966 says:
How young it can be and wet it gets
Llamalland says:
how young it can be? Does jam's age really matter that much to you?
southsider1966 says:
No my mate I like all ages
Llamalland says:
of jam. Right.
Llamalland says:
What about marmalade, are you into that?
southsider1966 says:
Yes pf course. Tasted different but still good
Llamalland says:
vegemite?
southsider1966 says:
Yes. And strawberry jam
Llamalland says:
is that your favourite jam for after sex with guys
Llamalland says:
?
southsider1966 says:
Yez
southsider1966 says:
How do you like to cum
Llamalland says:
orgasmically
southsider1966 says:
In a arse
Llamalland says:
no, I prefer to come in nice people
southsider1966 says:
In my arse then
Llamalland says:
not unless there's vegemite involved
southsider1966 says:
Yes I can shit if you like
Llamalland says:
you shit vegemite?
Llamalland says:
oh man
Llamalland says:
you should just eat like crazy and shit all day, you'd be able to make so much money

wow I keep beating my time-record

oldblacky79 would like to be added to your contacts
Selected greeting: I like your profile and hope to learn more about you

(N.B after I accept, it takes about 5mins before he talks)

oldblacky79 says:
hey. can i see your pic pls
bloggergirl says:
that's your lead?
bloggergirl says:
not even a 'how you doing?' or anything?

*oldblacky79 has removed you from their contacts.*

Tits or GTFO

LesAdel19 would like to be added to your contacts

LesAdel19 says:
Heyy
bloggergirl says:
hey there
LesAdel19 says:
Can i see ur priv pic
bloggergirl says:
please?
bloggergirl says:
fine thanks, how are you?
bloggergirl says:
...
LesAdel19 says:
PLEASE lol
bloggergirl says:
why? I'm not showing my cleavage in any
LesAdel19 says:
Devo haha
*LesAdel19 has removed you from their contacts.*

I...umm... what?

I get bored so I add someone online:

bloggergirl says:
good morning
JessicaK***** says:
good morning
bloggergirl says:
how are you?
*JessicaK**** has removed you from their contacts.*

censored name as I suspect it may not be a psuedonym.